Something has changed within me
by TribeGeneral65
Summary: Blaine's past and hopes for a future with a certain McKinley soprano, with a few hurdles and meddling friends along the way
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, and this is my first fan-fic attempt. Reviews/comments/suggestions are greatly appreciated! Story begins after the dinner scene in 2:07 "The Substitute"

Blaine leaned against the cool metal of his car door and sighed happily. Dinner at Breadsticks had gone even better than he had hoped, and it was nice to finally meet Kurt's friend Mercedes. She was exactly as Kurt described, funny and vivacious, but at times a little spacey. He was glad that Kurt had at least one friend like her close-by when he couldn't be around all the time. Then Blaine's deep brown eyes lowered at the thought of that word, and his satisfied smile waned.

Friend.

He loved spending time with Kurt, and Kurt seemed to enjoy their outings and texts too. But he couldn't shake the nagging suspicion that Kurt only liked him as a friend, someone who finally cared to get to know him instead of judging him at a distance just because he dressed like the world was his runway.

The Mustang's engine roared to life with a satisfying growl as Blaine turned the key and shifted gears to start his way home. Everything seemed perfect since he transferred to Dalton, on the surface at least. He couldn't believe he had been in Kurt's position not so long ago. Unlike Kurt, he tried desperately to hide the fact that he was gay. He joined the soccer team as a freshman at his old high school and did well—well enough to draw the attention of more than a few of his female classmates. He dated one or two casually, but never went past kissing; he just couldn't handle the idea of betraying his true feelings that badly.

The real benefit of the soccer team was Scott, a junior and the quintessential jock—with the exception of one little detail. Scott was gay and fighting it too, but he read Blaine like an open book. Blaine remembered how desperate he was then to feel loved and wanted, and to know what kissing another boy felt like. He started hanging out with Scott, and then Scott kissed him. It was incredible; everything felt like he always imagined it should. Over the next few weeks, Blaine realized Scott wanted more than kisses, but he wasn't ready for anything more. Why rush when things were so good as they were?

Unfortunately, Scott wasn't inclined toward patience with the nervous freshman. He planned to make Blaine regret not giving in to him. So one day after soccer practice, Scott had his friends hide in the locker room. They, of course, did not know anything about Scott's tryst with Blaine or that he was gay. Scott only told them he had something funny to show them. When Blaine and Scott appeared to be alone, Scott got Blaine to kiss him, and as they were making out, Scott signaled the other boys to come just as he pushed Blaine's hand to his inner thigh and pulled back from the kiss. Blaine was so startled by Scott's sudden actions that it took him a second or two to realize he was practically fondling him while still making kissey faces in the air as a half-dozen soccer players looked on.

He'd be duped by the first guy he ever had a crush on. For the rest of the year, his team mates and other students teased and taunted him for the locker room incident. Scott most of all, telling the story over and over about how the little gay freshman tried to rape him in the locker room and how lucky it was that his buddies were there to come to the rescue. If high school wasn't bad enough to begin with, Blaine was suddenly exposed, friendless and adrift, and branded with one of the worst appellations possible in a small-town high school. But, looking back, Blaine realized it wasn't all bad. If he hadn't been running as fast and far from the soccer team and jocks as he could, he wouldn't have ended up in the choir. And without the choir, he wouldn't have had the chance to audition for a partial music scholarship at Dalton. And without Dalton…well, he didn't know what would have happened without Dalton, but it was better not to think about that.

Blaine barely realized he was already in his neighborhood. The trip down the darker paths of memory lane consumed him and the miles on the road home had escaped his attention. His palms were wet with perspiration, and his heart felt heavy in his chest just thinking about the bad old days. Then he remembered Kurt. Where did he find the strength to go on and put up with all the torment at McKinley day after day? "And who the hell was I," Blaine thought, "to try to give him advice about dealing with bullies? All I learned to do is run away…" Blaine wanted so much to make things ok for Kurt, for someone to protect him and love him the way he wanted to be loved at his old school when things got bad.

Blaine leaned back in his seat after shutting the engine off in the driveway. All he could think of was Karofsky kissing Kurt. It brought back his own memories of hurt and betrayal in the locker room. "At least I had a few good kisses before it all fell apart," he mused. But he realized it was only the infatuation of an innocent and lonely teenager that gave any meaning to his first kiss with Scott. There was no depth, no magic, not the slightest hint of the electrical connection he felt when he gripped Kurt's hand and led him to the senior commons for the Warblers' performance. He wished he could hug Kurt right then, gaze into his grey eyes and convince him the world was his and that the people who tried to get him down didn't matter. Because he, Blaine, would be there for him.

As he turned the door knob to go inside, Blaine's phone buzzed.

From: Kurt

"I'm home safe! I had an amazing time with you tonight. Thanks for hanging with me and Mercedes!"

From: Blaine

"I just got back too. Glad you had fun! I had a blast Patti LuPone lol"

From: Kurt

"Just don't expect me to start learning Buckeyes' stats, k?"

From: Blaine

"Your wish is my command. Ttys!"

From: Blaine

"Oh btw since I met your friend maybe you can come see Harry Potter with Wes and David and me"

From: Kurt

"That sounds like fun, let's!"

From: Blaine

"Sure thing. G'night! :-)"

From: Kurt

"Good night Blaine :-)"

Blaine cursed under his breath. As much fun as it was to hang out with Wes and David, he really just wanted to go on a proper date with Kurt. But, something would be better than nothing, at least until he figured out what Kurt really felt. A guy can dream, right?

Kurt, meanwhile, was unsure how to take Blaine's movie invitation. "I guess he really does just want to be friends," Kurt muttered to the mirror as he performed his nightly ablutions. Kurt thought Blaine liked him beyond just friendship. They had an instant connection that day at Dalton, and Blaine only had eyes for him throughout the entire song. He had come to McKinley to help address the Karofsky situation. They laughed at all the same things at dinner. But maybe it was too much to expect from the world for the first gay guy he met to be nice, caring, attractive, talented, intelligent, encouraging—oh, did he say attractive yet?—and also have him be interested in a relationship. Oh well. A guy can dream, right?

More to come...Thanks for reading! Reviewers receive an application fee waiver for Santa's "Nice" list! (Warning: offer not actually valid in any of the 50 states or elsewhere)


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Harry Potter and the Not-so-subtle Crush**

"Hurry up guys! We're going to be late!" shouted Blaine to Wes and David.

"Yeah, hurry up Wes, or Blaine's boyfriend will be mad at us!" David cooed.

"He is not my boyfriend! I'm just, you know, helping him out…" Blaine retorted unconvincingly.

"Whatever you say, man…but we're ready, let's go or we'll miss the previews!" said Wes, and the three boys clambered into Blaine's car and took off for the movie theater. Kurt was waiting for them when they arrived. His face lit up when he saw Blaine get out of the car. Blaine couldn't resist smiling as he called out to him. He looked so adorable standing there with his bright red bowtie and perfect hair. "Sorry we're late; the straight boys took too long trying to look presentable out of uniform," said Blaine apologizing.

"No worries at all. I just got here myself," said Kurt. Then it dawned on him that the Dalton boys were out of their uniforms and in normal clothes. To be precise, it dawned on him that Blaine was in normal clothes. I thought the uniform did good things for him, but he wasn't kidding about those skin-tight jeans…

"Earth to Kurt?…Kurt?" he heard Wes say. "Are you ok? You zoned out buddy."

"Oh yes, yes I'm fine, sorry, just excited" stammered Kurt. "Let's go get seats!"

"So why no uniforms today, gentlemen?" inquired Kurt as they stood in line for snacks. Wes and David refused to watch a movie without popcorn; Kurt could do without the cholesterol-fest, thank you very much.

"David was afraid we'd be mistaken for Gryffindor wannabes in our Dalton ties and all" said Wes. Looking around the lobby, it was entirely possible that they would have been mistaken for any one of dozens of teenagers dressed up as Harry Potter characters for the movie. Come to think of it, with longer hair and glasses, Blaine might even make a convincing Harry Potter himself.

"And I think Blaine wanted to show off his new jeans…" suggested Wes, as Blaine shot him an icy stare that quickly melted with a slight flush of embarrassment. Kurt blushed a bit in response; to his dismay, he was about as good at hiding the pink in his soft cheeks as he was at spying.

Thankfully it was their turn to order and the conversation ended there as the four boys rushed to their theater for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

"So what did you think?" Kurt asked as they followed the crowd back into the light of the lobby after the credits and cheering ended.

"That was totally awesome!" exclaimed Blaine.

"I'm glad you came with us Kurt," said David. "Maybe we'll be seeing you more often!" Wes offered slyly.

"Well, I'd certainly enjoy it. You all are infinitely preferable to the goons at McKinley. You even know how to tie a tie" Kurt replied, sarcastically offering praise for the boys who had demonstrated at least some sense of style.

"We try" answered Wes and David in near unison. They walked to Kurt's car to say their goodbyes; it was getting late and there were curfews to be observed.

"It was great to see you all again!" said Kurt to Wes and David, who were standing a little ways off. To Blaine, he said "And it was especially good seeing you, even though you weren't defending my honor or anything today."

"Ha, well, I think I prefer this kind of time together to nearly getting my butt kicked by a football oaf. Anytime you want to hang out, you know how to reach me" said Blaine.

"Certainly. And thanks for, everything, the movie and Karofsky-"

"Don't mention it, Kurt. Just take of yourself, OK? See you around soon!" said Blaine as he waved goodbye.

"You too!" said Kurt, trying to sound enthusiastic. As he drove off, he thought how nice it was to be with Blaine, but how much nicer it would be if he was _with_ Blaine. Kurt sighed; he still only saw signs of friendship from the older boy, and it would be unreasonable to expect more from a guy so totally out of his league. Something is better than nothing, I guess.

"Dude, you disappoint me" declared David as Blaine met them at the car. "Who just waves like a big goof to the person he's so obviously crushing on?"

"Guys, you don't understand, it's not like that-" said Blaine, trying to avoid another round of encouragement masquerading as friendly teasing from the guys. But this time they persisted.

"Look, we know it must be hard after what you went through, and with what he's going through, but that's no excuse to give up before you've even begun" counseled Wes.

"And you two are so obvious to everyone but yourselves because you're scared to admit it. You like him, Blaine. So do something about it instead of just telling us how great Kurt is all the time!" said David, smiling. He was more than willing to listen to Blaine's seemingly endless stream of "why Kurt is amazing" stories because he could tell how happy his friend was to be telling them, but he also knew that he was rapidly approaching his threshold for tales of tortured gay teen courtly love. For all the drama and angst, there should at least be some action in the end, he thought (without thinking in too much detail, of course; he did not need those images in his head).

Blaine was far more scared than Wes or David realized. He didn't know how to proceed. What if he was just taking advantage of Kurt like Scott did to him? He was pretty sure Scott never felt for him what he now felt for Kurt, but did that matter? He was still getting involved with a vulnerable younger guy. What if he moved too fast for Kurt, who had no experience at all except for the traumatic locker room kiss? He thought he was going to be Kurt's hero and save him from Karofsky and all the ills of McKinley High, but now it didn't seem so sure and simple. But most of all, he was afraid the gray-eyed soprano didn't really like him back…

"It's like what Captain Sisko said on DS9 last night, Blaine. Audentes Fortuna Iuvat," said Wes.

"What?" said Blaine, half-listening to Wes, though…was that Latin? First Harry Potter, now Star Trek and the Aeneid? The perils of prep-school nerdiness, he thought with an inward groan.

"You know, Fortune Favors the Bold. So it's time to be bold, big guy, and go get him!"

Maybe for once the boys were right, thought Blaine. But what to do next?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Defying Gravity**

Before either of them realized it, two more weeks of flirty texts and the occasional late-night phone call flew by. Kurt found that his constant anticipation of a new text helped the days pass, each buzz and brightening screen affirming his growing belief that Blaine would be the one to start his first relationship. They had run through the whole gamut of emoticons and even waded into the murky waters of friendly double entendre, but to his chagrin, Blaine always seemed to pull back before any conversation got too serious.

Kurt's ruminations were interrupted by his sudden contact with the wall of lockers. Karofsky again. The hulking footballer turned and stared angrily before stomping away. Kurt didn't bother to say anything this time. What was the point? If he was perplexed by Karofsky's actions, he could only guess the depth of the bully's own confusion and fear. Blaine had encouraged him to believe that things could get better and that he was courageous enough to stand up for himself, but Kurt's realistic streak took over and persuaded him to save this battle for another day.

As he put his hair back into proper form for class, he looked up at the picture of Blaine in his locker. At first it was a source of inspiration, a reminder that someone cared and would even try to protect him. However misguided Blaine's attempts at advice and chivalric heroism were, his effort was endearing. And the colorful collage of "Courage" stared back at him, too. One word had become his sword and shield in the last few weeks. With Blaine it seemed like all things were possible.

The sudden clanging of the bell reminded Kurt about English and another period of listening to his classmates butcher some classic literary work, but he almost didn't notice his phone buzzing at the same time as the bell.

From: Blaine

"Hope you're having a good day. I've got a new quote for you: Fortitudine Vincimus"

Kurt rolled his eyes. As much as he embraced his inner fashionista, Blaine was equally unafraid to reveal his dorky side. The detours through obscure sci-fi and ancient literary references would have been insufferable if they came from anyone but Blaine. Minor faults could be forgiven in someone with a voice (and caring eyes, and perfect hair, and—dare he admit?—cute butt) like Blaine's. Thankfully Kurt's linguistic knowledge was usually enough to get through the Latin references.

From: Kurt

"Through Endurance We Conquer?"

From: Blaine

"Right again! Talent, looks, and brains. You're a regular triple threat Mr. Hummel"

Kurt smiled to himself as he ran to class. There he goes again getting my hopes up, he thought. Two can play this game…

From: Kurt

"Well I'm sorry I'm such a tease but I have class ttyl!"

If you only knew, thought Blaine. He used to think the cliché romance novel descriptions of weak-kneed, love-struck admirers were too much to believe, but every new text from Kurt put him in a grinning stupor that Wes and David thoroughly enjoyed giving him grief about. After transferring to Dalton, Blaine had been the figure of equipoise and calm, but thoughts of Kurt sent his nerves jittering more than a double-shot of espresso.

Blaine muddled through the rest of the day trying to decide how to proceed with Kurt. He headed to the library and was reading E.E. Cummings' for English class when he happened upon a quote he liked ("To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting**"**). As he was debating whether to send it to Kurt,Wes and David found him with the open book on the table in front of him. They could see that his eyes were focused on the phone sitting next to the book, and decided it was intervention time.

"You know that phone isn't going to grow legs and run off if you take your eyes off it, right?" said Wes, taking his seat across from Blaine.

"Hey guys" muttered Blaine as his friends invited themselves to the table. Blaine fumbled with his book, dropping it onto the floor. He'd been tripping over his own feet all day.

"Dude, what's wrong with you? Did you take an awkward pill or something today?" said David, concern bubbling up despite his attempt at levity.

"Shut up. You know, I think…well, it's sort of like…"

"Well, what is it man?

"I think I want to date Kurt" offered Blaine slowly, somewhat surprised at his spoken confession.

"I'll alert the media. Though you'll be fighting the headlines with the breaking news that the sky is blue" chuckled David, but Wes sensed something serious was coming up, and nudged David to get him to back off.

"That's great" said Wes. "I think you two will be good together. I'm sure he likes you too"

Blaine sighed. "I wish I could be sure. I don't want to freak him out or scare him off."

"Only one way to find out. Look, tomorrow is Friday. Why don't you go surprise him after school and ask him out?" suggested Wes, proud that he could help his friend and happy for a chance to return to normal Blaine. Things just weren't the same with their leader so distracted, and he wanted to see Blaine happy again.

"Yea. Yea, actually that's a good idea. He'll be surprised. Thanks guys!" said Blaine, getting up from the table and managing to actually hold on to his belongings as he went out to plan his surprise.

After their usual round of evening texts, Blaine got ready for bed. He was anxious, but resolved to go through with his surprise visit plans. The next day, Friday, he only sent a brief good morning text to Kurt. He didn't trust himself not to let the cat out of the bag if he started texting because he was so excited.

As the day wore on without any texts from Blaine, Kurt got worried.

From: Kurt 9:05am

"Hey what's up? Happy Friday!"

From: Kurt, 10:37am

"Hope everything is OK. Is your phone working today?"

From: Kurt, 11:45am

"I'm at lunch now so I'm free to text"

From: Kurt, 12:23pm

"Time for classes are you ok?"

From: Kurt, 1:15pm

"Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?"

From: Kurt, 1:45pm

"I don't know what I did or why you won't talk with me. But I deserve an explanation and it had better be a damn good one or otherwise I don't want to see you again"

He was surprised at his last threatening comment, but Kurt was deeply pissed. It wasn't like Blaine to delay his responses by more than 5 minutes, let alone an entire day. Something was up, and he didn't like facing the possibilities. Maybe Blaine felt he had done his work by helping him and now he was moving on. Or he just got tired of him. Or—please, Gaga, no!—there was someone else. Whatever scenarios ran through Kurt's mind that day at school, none of them ended well. That, combined with an unusually active day of abuse from Karosky, put Kurt over the edge.

Blaine thought his plan was falling apart when he read that last text. "What have I done?" he groaned as class ended and he ran for his car. "Please don't let me be too late…" he thought as he punched through the gears and peeled out of the parking lot, the Mustang's 8 cylinders trumpeting loudly as Blaine tried to will the distance to shrink between him and Kurt.

Kurt was fuming, and feeling more lost than ever. He had convinced himself of the worst, and determined that it was decidedly not better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. At least before he met Blaine he didn't know what he was missing. But he let himself fall for the first guy he met who seemed even remotely interested, and now even that slim chance at happiness was gone. If there was one thing that usually cheered him up, or at least vented his frustrations, it was singing. So he took a breath, got his iPod, and went to the auditorium.

The familiar introduction to his favorite song wafted through the auditorium, raising his spirits a bit as he recognized a new meaning in the oft-repeated lyrics:

_Something has changed within me  
Something is not the same  
I'm through with playing by the rules  
Of someone else's game  
Too late for second-guessing  
Too late to go back to sleep  
It's time to trust my instincts  
Close my eyes: and leap!_

_It's time to try  
Defying gravity  
I think I'll try  
Defying gravity  
And you can't pull me down!_

Kurt felt the tears starting to sting his eyes. Blaine had made him feel like he could defy gravity and encouraged him to trust his instincts, to be himself. Now he felt like those instincts had betrayed him, but he was more determined than ever to not let anything get him down.

_I'm through accepting limits  
''cause someone says they're so  
Some things I cannot change  
But till I try, I'll never know!  
Too long I've been afraid of  
Losing love I guess I've lost  
Well, if that's love  
It comes at much too high a cost!  
I'd sooner buy  
Defying gravity  
Kiss me goodbye  
I'm defying gravity  
And you can't pull me down!_

Blaine heard the unmistakable soprano's voice belting through the doors of the McKinley auditorium, but there was pain and anger in it that he had never heard before. Hearing the bitter "kiss me goodbye!" felt like it was directed right to his ears and heart. The thought of losing Kurt before he had a proper chance to explain his feelings turned his stomach. The butterflies gave way to a panicked determination as he parted the doors to enter the rear of the auditorium in time to hear the finale.

_So if you care to find me  
Look to the western sky!  
As someone told me lately:  
"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"  
And if I'm flying solo  
At least I'm flying free  
To those who'd ground me  
Take a message back from me  
Tell them how I am  
Defying gravity  
I'm flying high  
Defying gravity  
And soon I'll match them in renown  
And nobody in all of Oz  
No Wizard that there is or was  
Is ever gonna bring me down!_

Kurt froze when he saw Blaine slinking down the side aisle. Before he could make his mind to run or scream or throw something, Blaine leapt onto the stage and handed him a bright bouquet of flowers with a single red rose in the center.

"What the hell are you doing here!..." Kurt hissed. He was desperately upset, but who could stay mad staring into those warm hazel eyes?

"Kurt, I'm so sorry, I wanted to surprise you but I messed up, please Kurt, forgive me, I came to tell you, that, I want to be your boyfriend…"

Kurt blinked and swallowed hard, not willing to believe he heard what he wanted to hear from the breathless declaration. "You…want me…"

"Yes! If I haven't ruined everything already. I just thought things were going so well, but I was afraid I'd scare you away if I let you know how I felt"

For the first time all day, Kurt smiled. "Well, you're perfect, and I'm perfect, so we're perfect together. I've wanted to ask you for a long time too, but I thought you were just being nice because you felt bad for me."

Blaine smiled back. "Of course I felt bad for you, but I felt worse for all the people who were missing how amazing you are. From now on, I want to be there for you, no matter what."

"You know I'd be there whenever you needed me too," said Kurt. "If you needed me to, I'd be at Dalton as soon as I could. I wouldn't stop for Starbucks even."

"If you needed me, I wouldn't stop for red lights" whispered Blaine, staring right into the younger boy's grey eyes, their faces now only inches apart.

Kurt reached his hand around the back of Blaine's neck and pulled him for a kiss. Blaine seemed surprised, but warmed up fast, pushing back gently and gripping Kurt's slim waist. They parted a few seconds later, beaming at each other.

"That's very sweet of you, darling, but I don't think you should do anything that might get you in prison. I know how you like being the center of attention, but even you must have limits and that's not the kind of audience your career needs right now" said Kurt with a mischievous grin.

"Right you are again, dear. Come on, let's go somewhere we can talk. I'll buy you some coffee," offered Blaine with a grin.

"Say no more. Let's get out of here" said Kurt, turning to grab his iPod and leave.

"Not so fast, sexy" grinned Blaine as he scooped Kurt in his arms and went in for a proper kiss. The younger boy's lips tasted slightly of his cherry chapstick, and his sweater felt smooth and comforting as Blaine ran his hands up and down Kurt's back. Kurt pressed back into the kiss and Blaine's tongue tentatively parted his lips.

When they parted for breath, Blaine asked if everything was ok.

"I think I'll take you over the tender crook of my elbow any day. Now let's go get that coffee." And they walked out toward the car, hands intertwined, in peaceful silence.

Comments and reviews are always welcome! Hope you enjoyed it


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